Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Vampires Suck (2010)

Vampires Suck (2010)

My Synopsis: Vampires suck... good. Team Jacob BITCH!

Comments: Yep, I admit I had to see this one. I mean, after all that Twilight, Eclipse, New Moon, Green Cheese, Man in the Moon stuff I was ready for it. And I was realistic about too, I know the possibility of yet another movie parody was likely to suck even worse then Date Movie and definitely more than Disaster Movie. The “Movie” franchise has been suffering greatly since the creators lost touch with their roots the “Scary”s. So I really did walk into this expecting, if nothing else, to at least be glad to see the Twilight world get kicked in the ass. Thankfully I wasn't let down.

Drawing entirely from Twilight, emo child Becca moves in with her father in a small town that also harbors vampires and werewolves, er, rather, were-dogs. Quickly she is drawn to Edward Sullen, the vampire boy of her dreams that is truly sullen. In the meantime, Jacob, a boy she use to play house with is pining after her. Sounds familiar right? So far pretty close, Becca is indeed having issues with the boys, digs the vampire even though he has a vow of chastity (promise ring and all) and finds herself stuck between Vamps and Weres. The differences are already starting to show, first Ed has a virginity thing going on while Becca just really wants to get laid. Very funny in the light of a Mormon woman wrote Twilight and that Edward is supposed to be every teenage girls dream. I kept remembering the Jonas Bros. South Park episode. Becca explains her infatuation well... Edward is the object of forbidden fruit which she can never have (yea! Like the apple! I get it! Jacob is right, very profound). Wereas Jacob is steadfast and loyal. That's mostly because he is a were-chihuahua.

This movie is apparently a spoof of both Twilight and Eclipse although I can embarrassingly only vouch for the first. But all the books make an appearance at one point. There are a few incidents in which the jokes or pratfalls seem to have nothing to do with the story but Buffy the Vampire Slayer makes an appearance which sort of makes up for it. This is par for the course when watching spoofs as random goofiness apparently makes a much funnier movie.

Things to look out for: Becca has the same annoying pushing-hair-behind-ear habit as Bella (priceless!), cat!, Edward and his segway, 10 minutes of screen time equal shirtless, The Black Eyed Peas, cat!, bling, family jewels, and so much more! CAT!

I'm going to give this one 4 out of 5 chipped fangs. Mostly because I was sick enough of the Twilight vampires to want to see them made fun of. I kept one point to myself because the random goofiness and prats got boring after a time and didn't hold up to the rest of the humor. I think I can go out on a limb and suggest this one to fans and non-fans of Twilight if only because it's a great reality check. Or lack of reality check. Really. Cat!

Becca Crane: So are we going to be uh, at the same school?
Jacob: I go to school at the reservation.
Becca Crane: Oh, it must be fun to gamble and drink all day.

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